Everything Changes

It’s March! Insane! I have only 2 more months on Reunion and I have written all of 2 blog posts (more than zero I suppose).

The other day I was walking around and all of a sudden it hit me- 2 months is no time. I’ve been here 5 months and though at times it felt like forever, it’s actually gone extremely fast. Reminds me of that metaphor about time being like a roll of toilet paper, as you age time seems to move faster. Who knows really, all I know is last I checked it was December and I was concerned about filling my long days of vacation since the flights to South Africa ended up being too expensive. I was walking around thinking of all I still have left to do during these 2 months, all the time I have had here and didn’t do things I wanted to do for some excuse or another, how I am going to really miss this island when I leave though I’ve had my issues with it.

As I’ve hinted at on here before, I’ve not always had the best time here. I get frustrated about silly things and complain a lot(on the grand scale silly, when I’m frustrated it is the worst thing in the world of course). I never really settled into my new home and threw myself into a sort of survival mode during some periods of time- “just make it though today, then that’s another day closer to leaving this situation”. I secluded myself and watched a lot of Survivor (though let’s be real, I watch a lot of Survivor no matter my mood). So I wasn’t in the best mindset for the majority of my time here. But now it’s March and oh how things have changed.

Maybe I am just in a good mood recently and I’ll fall back later, but I am enjoying the moment. And in that I am trying to understand why I am happier now.

Since the start of the year the time has legitimately flown by. Partly because it was spent relaxing at beaches or preparing for a trip to Madagascar, or being on that trip ill or returning and getting sick again, or school starting up without a set schedule. Partly due to a change in my choices. I am horrible at socially venturing out of my comfort zone. As in even when I would love to meet someone I will say “I would love to meet them” over and over annoyingly instead of just going over and saying hi. I’ve always been like this. Also, I am in constant belief that everyone is annoyed with me or I say the wrong things or I overstay my welcome. Because of this I didn’t make solid connections on the island, especially after I went into “I’m so horrible at french, I give up speaking it” mode (which had some negative effects, but I’ve been trying more recently). I wouldn’t message people because I didn’t want to bother them. I mean when I met new people and exchanged contact info or made possible plans and I hadn’t heard from them, I just assumed they didn’t want me around. Never really thought of putting more effort into it, because survival mode.

Things have changed for me recently and maybe I am annoying and it won’t last, but I have been opening up and reaching out to people around the island to plan things to change up my situation, and thus far it has really helped. I’ve been more at peace, in better spirits, ready to actually try things. I’ve spent several lovely weekends and weekdays with friends from different cities adventuring. I’ve given up frustrations with the buses and tried to embrace them and all their oddities (and have caught up on my podcasts :] ) and just went out of the apartment more. Last week I was in other cities more than my own place! I bought a surfboard (still uncertain if this was a sound plan… not worried about the sharks because there are now nets for protection, but the whole never surfed before thing…). I’ve gone places on a whim with people which never really happens unless I’m the one to initiate the idea. I’ve seen new places on the island and tried new activities.

I think one of the biggest differences though is I’ve been invited to do things that I would usually decline, and after legitimately having internal arguments said might as well go (I only have 2 months left after all!). It’s resulted in meeting great new people and doing new activities and has made me excited about the island again. Usually if something is out of my comfort zone, I decline and that’s that. But I have given things a go, like some hikes that I wasn’t to keen to do (which reminds me I have another blog to write…), or an entire evening with people I had never met or only just in passing which I really almost didn’t go to (thanks social anxiety) but in the end had a great time.

It took me 5 months here, but I can now really see my personal growth. I am still as awkward and nerdy as ever, but I am forcing myself to be more adventurous and make new friends. I wasn’t happy with my situation and was down a lot, but I made the active choice to be a little more vulnerable and uncomfortable and it’s so far been a huge positive factor in my experience. It’s made me see that my entire time here could have been better if I had done this earlier, but it is what it is. I can only grow and change for the future, the past is done.

Thanks for following me on my little journey in the Indian Ocean. I’m sure you’d rather see beautiful photos of palm trees and sunsets, but they will eventually be uploaded to facebook… probably after I return home if I am being honest.

 

❤ with love,

Amy

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